


Just Let Hercules Eat His Cake

by abbeytre3



Series: Why Did I Make These Friends [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Fluff, M/M, poor poor hercules, reap what you sow madison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 19:16:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10600473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbeytre3/pseuds/abbeytre3
Summary: It's a little bit after Valentine's Day and John has a problem. Hercules does not want to have the answer. So he foists John off on the newest power couple in the group. Their advice... works?





	

“He’s just so soft and squishy and I want to hug him forever!” John whined from the couch. Hercules whipped his head up and searched for Lafayette, yelling,

“We got another one!” He flung his muscled arm across the back of the couch and plucked his phone form John’s selfie taking grasp. He typed out an urgent help message to Alex and waited nervously for what else would come out of John unexpectedly, much in the way of watching an alien burst forth from one’s gut.

“I mean just ugh! I suggested ice cream in winter and he went with me! I mean granted, we had to drive around for a while to find an actual open store, because let’s face it, Dairy Queen is not real ice cream.”

Hercules watched the train wreck of John’s monologue with a sick sense of wonder. He wasn’t aware of John taking anyone out for ice cream, though he would bet that it was more unwillingness to fight John’s ironclad grip than acceptance. John trailed off into the beginning of an awe-inspiring sulk over his woeful situation when the door slammed open, letting Hercules end his prayers of foisting John off onto an unexpecting couple, and just sent up a quick thanks.

Alex and Jefferson stumbled through the doorway, both evidently trying to get in at the same time. Alex flung himself over the back of the couch and landed on John, grasping Hercules’ sleeve,

“Who’s dying?!”

Hercules groaned and pointed at the slightly squished sad man below Alex. He tilted his head down and took John’s face in his hands, “Who hurt you?”

John moaned and whined even loader, “My heart!”

Jefferson leaned over the couch and grasped Alex by the arms, hoisting him off of John and settling him on the hardwood floor, giving Alex barely a second to adjust before dropping his grip.

Alex shook his hair out of his eyes and muttered from the floor, “Wet cat my ass. I’ll show you who can climb you like a tree you mother—”

“ALEX” Hercules did not want to know what argument the two were still in the middle of, and while at any other time watching Alex try to climb Jefferson would be amusing, right now he had a problem that needed to be solved, or at least gotten out of his apartment.

Jefferson reluctantly held out a hand, letting Alex grasp on before tugging harshly and sending a stumbling Alex directly into his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist and mocking, “falling for me again are you?”

Peering at the now embracing couple, and then looking back at the curled up John, Hercules suddenly couldn’t fathom why he thought inviting a couple still in their honeymoon phase over would solve his problems. He cleared his throat obnoxiously, causing Jefferson to slowly raise his head and make eye contact.

He drawled lazily, as if he couldn’t believe that Hercules was still in the room, “Oh. Right. Mulligan. What _did_ you call us for? And no, we won’t take him.”

Part of his hopes and dreams dashed, Hercules addressed Alex, “Look, you guys are bosom buddies, can you at least get a name so that we can lock them in a closet and go home?”

Jefferson untangled himself and made a motion towards the exit, “Well I don’t see how this concerns me and I have other things to do—”

“Madison” emerged in a wounded word from the heap on the couch, stopping Jefferson in his tracks.

He turned around slowly, a wicked grin lighting up his features, “Oh. Oh this _does_ concern me.”

Hercules gaped in horror. What was it with the Southern Democratic Republicans?  Or at least their club. Did they all bathe in catnip? Hercules took a sudden vow that if Lafayette started taking interest in Burr that his sharpest sewing scissors would be christened with a much more deadly purpose.

John’s most valuable resource made his way over to an armchair, at first lounging, but quickly shuffling over to make way for his boyfriend who was viscously wedging himself onto the chair and claiming half of the territory.

Once the two were settled and the flying elbows had landed, Hercules hauled John into an upright condition and stared down Jefferson.

“So.” He began.

“So.” Echoed back Jefferson, the annoying tall shit he is.

Hercules sat on that couch. So his life has culminated into this. An endless cycle of matchmaking. An endless life of dealing with cryptic bullshit. He should have been a spy, Hercules thought longingly. He would’ve been fantastic at it. 

Coming to a decision, and to his class time, Hercules stood up, clapping John on the shoulder, “Good luck man. I hope it all works out. If it does, I don’t want to hear of the story of tonight.”

With that, he swanned out of the apartment, neatly leaving a scandalized Jefferson in his wake.

 

 

The next day, Hercules was in a campus café, happily munching on pound cake and enjoying the relative peace. Sure _American Pie_ was blasting over a crackly old radio, and a rowdy group project was being hardly worked on in the corner, but no texts or urgent calls had come through. Hercules happened to happily ignore his dead phone in the bottom of his crowded book bag.

He was, in fact, so happily in his zone, that he failed to notice the sweater wrapped bundle two seats from him. Placed deliberately to be as far as possible from the chill of the opening door as from the freshmen bio project. Who just so happened to be engrossed in a thick book. Who may, in all coincidence, be James Madison. And Hercules may not be particularly fond of Madison, and he certainly held no grudge, but Madison at the moment represented all the trouble in Hercules’ peaceful life.

Why, it was he who placed the two tornadoes together, and if they didn’t break up spectacularly by the end of the year, then Hercules knew that he would be dealing with their antics until the day he died. And, and! He did something to make John catch notice of him. John was steadfast and loyal, it took years for him to get over Alex, and even now John would take a bullet for him, or any of them. If this problem wasn’t resolved fast, then John would be the one crying on his couch until the both of them passed away.

A lot of the things his friends did tended to haunt Hercules until the day he dies. They were hardcore like that.

Reviewing it, Hercules had to pause in his pound cake consumption to acknowledge that, okay, he might have a little bit of a grudge.

Once again, Hercules contemplation was interrupted by a freckle faced kid. He quickly brushed crumbs off half the table just in time for John to sweep right past Hercules without even a nod, to exude the full force of his personality onto Madison.

“Jemmy—”

“Don’t call me Jemmy.”

“James! J. Mads. Madison. Mad is the Son. I can keep going if you’d like.”

“I really don’t need to hear whatever other names you’ve thought of in your diary.”

Hercules crammed another slice of pound cake as he wondered at the prime-time entertainment he was graced with. John had swung over a chair from another table, and Madison had not even paused in turning pages. Yet Madison hadn’t sounded mad, merely resigned. Giving Hercules an idea of where John had disappeared off to all week.

John mused, arms on the table supporting his head as he gazes at Madison, “Don’t you think James and John sound good together? I could imagine it on a wedding cake. It’ll have to be vanilla, but I’ll settle for chocolate. Strawberry is for perverts. Lemon is like for junior perverts. Wait no, that sounded wrong!”

“Wait what!”

Oh shit. Madison put his book down. Hercules glanced down at his empty plate and resolved himself to make it through comforting John afterwards without provisions.

John shot straight up and a flush began to crawl from his ears across his cheeks as he received Madison’s undivided attention.

Madison pointed an accusing finger at John, “Did you just very ham-handedly flirt with me?!”

“Um. Y-yes?”

Hercules braced himself to leap over and provide damage control, John was getting flustered, and only stupid things came out of John’s mouth when he was flustered. ‘Mr. Showtime’ was great in a fight, horrible lying about it after.

Madison pinched the bridge of his nose, “You like Hamilton. Probably love him. Everyone knows this. I thought you were going to be my biggest obstacle in the Valentine’s operation. You’ve been bothering me this whole time because your best friend is occupied. Why flirt now?” Madison stared at the table and Hercules rather thought that his robot brain must have stalled when he whispered, “This makes no sense.”

John himself was looking a bit gobsmacked at the reaction. Then incensed. His fists were tight white balls of rage in his lap as he spoke lowly and slowly, “Everyone. Everyone thinks this. What! I can’t fall out of love with a guy! Maybe I like someone else! Maybe I don’t like anyone at all! Why do I have to love someone else to prove the way I feel?”

Hercules was stunned. John laughed off his feelings, he didn’t know, that well, the ribbing about Alex actually got a bit much. And that he felt like he couldn’t talk to them about it. He almost missed the even lower mumbled,

“Maybe I like you now.”

Which prompted Madison to do probably the first impulsive act in his whole college life, dragging John by the collar of his shirt across the table to meet Madison halfway, clacking their teeth together. And their lips.

Okay. Hercules will admit it. He screamed. John later called it a screech, akin to a mother bird warning foe off her young, while Madison (He’s going to have to eventually call them all by their first names eventually won’t he?) likened it to a mother-of-the-bride hearing about the elopement.

He didn’t realize that the ear piercing wail was coming from him until he made out a disgruntled

“Fuck off Mulligan!” coming from Madison. Oh god, he’s James now.

 

 

Hercules glared at the two happy couples in his living room, while Lafayette practically radiated smug happiness.

“I’m gonna have to put up with all of you forever won’t I?”

Alex stole Jeff— ugh, Thomas’ glass and toasted him, “Till the day you die my friend!”

 


End file.
